Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
