Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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