i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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