I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Every concussion has its silver lining
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
