The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
