Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
