It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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