We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize