I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
