I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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