this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
