i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
