Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
