There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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