So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
well you can't waste a boner
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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