my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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