At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you never un-have a 4some
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
