id be glad to
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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