Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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