My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
