Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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