I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
