Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
