Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
