Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
