Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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