so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
