you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
