No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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