If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
