I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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