Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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