if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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