in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
