I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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