My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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