Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
