Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
