I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
