She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The air was thick with penises
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
