Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
