tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
