I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
