I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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