I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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