He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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