I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
