Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
