This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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