I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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