Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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