I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
