guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
