Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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