You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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