It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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