I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
