I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just cropdusted the office
I look better un-naked...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
