I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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