Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Randomize
