your room smells of hookers.
And success
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize