So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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