all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
