I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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